New divide ~ 6 /Chester

Mike used to stay over so often several years ago so I even had a room for him. But that was long ago so now I had to get the covers on the bed ready. Once I finished I went into the kitchen and on the counter, my note was there on the counter, I completely forgot about it... Just from this morning. He didn't talk to me since we came back. In the second I turned around I saw him leaning on the door frame, he was standing there looking at me, while I had the note in my hand, I felt awkward so I put it back down. He sighed slowly, and deeply, "Night" he said and vanished into the other room. It got more awkward between us since I gave him the note but at least there was a tone off my heart. I tried sleeping, but since before I could not keep my eyes open, it was the opposite, my body would not let me close an eye, just relax now, that's all I wanted, no more secrets to get rid of. I could not sleep all night, It seemed I was nearly asleep when my eyes opened again and wouldn't let me get any rest. Suddenly at around 3am there was loud banging in my kitchen, I rushed there, when I got there the bang sounds did not stop so I turned on the light to check what was happening. Nothing apparently, but another sound began, loud high pitched squeaky noises which lead me to a painful headache. I crouched into a ball onto the ground and held my head and ears but neither, the noise nor the pain stopped. Unexpectedly I felt a soft tap on the shoulder, and all of a sudden it all stopped, "You 'k bro ?" I could hear a deep voice ask "Yeah just a sudden head pain while I was getting a drink" I answered. Mike nodded lazily and trudged back to bed. What the hell was that ? Am I going crazy ? I finally got what I wished for, a little rest, a bit of sleep but I woke up a bit early.. I woke up early, well earlier than I usually do anyway, Mike wasn't awake yet tough. But just to be sure I came into his room, maybe he was waiting till I wake up, no. He was just still asleep. I leaned again my shoulder and looked at him for a moment, I don't know what it was, but something made me really happy inside and I could not help myself from smiling a little to myself and turning back to make breakfast. I was in my morning mood which wasn't really feeling tired but still not fully awaken. So I didn't really want to do anything too time taking. Waffles or toast, but which one ? Oh come on I had way harder decisions than that, why am I even bothering to think, I'll just make toast and cheese. My luck, no cheese, but then there was that feeling that you want something when you can't have it, I had to go to the shop across the street to get cheese, I wrote a note saying "No Cheese, went to get some - Chaz" And left it on the table, hopefully Mike would find it, or at least stay sleeping while I'm gone. I bought the cheese and when I came back home Mike was sitting on a chair beside the counter with a mug of Coffee ? Tea ? Couldn't tell but he was there. It was as if I tried saying "Morning" in my mind but my body wouldn't let me again. But I forced it out and said it smiling, not a fake, cracked smile, a truthful happy smile this time. But.. Why was there no reply ? /Chester  

New Divide ~ 5 /Chester

I thought maybe that by any chance, It'll be easier to write it. And so I did. I did it mindlessly, I wasn't even thinking, I just wrote a quick note saying "I love you" but I clenched it in my fist."I'm sorry Mike, lets go for a walk I need, you know, fresh air. There's something wrong with me" I said without confidence. " Yeah I've noticed that" he murmured quietly "Where d' you wanna go ?" Mike just continued. "Park and back 'll do me good" I replied trying to crack a smile but it just couldn't come out faker. I put my coat on, and just stuffed the small note into the pocket. The fresh air actually seemed to help, we where just talking about music and TV, it was all fine until I wanted to warm my hands a bit and I felt the note, I handed it over to him really quickly, he stopped to read it and my heart stopped within that, I was waiting for a response but I did not get any, he opened his mouth slightly as if to say something but did not. Just glared at me with his mouth still slightly open. And back at the note, his expression did not change. There was  an awkward silence, I tried to break the silence by saying "Come on lets go now" but It didn't work. He took in a deep breathe again, just beginning to say something but letting out a loud sigh. " Mike come on now, please !" I begged in a nearly crying tone. He started to move forward slowly still looking at the note. We walked until it gradually started getting darker, it was meant to be a short walk but... I started leading him towards the block I lived in. "Well umm... Bye" I said leaving Mike " Huh ? Where you goi... Oh yeah.. Umm.. Can I stay over for the night ?" He stuttered. "Sure.." I said with an unwanted tone in my voice, hoping he would notice... ~Chester 

New Divide ~ 4 /Chester

A while after Mike left, I thought it was enough, cowardly ? Quiet ? Upset ? Nervous ? Was that really me ? It certainly wasn't me before I told Mike... I think I should end this...The stress nearly eat me, I shall let it no more. At least that was what I thought. I also thought I had to do it quickly, so I grabbed the phone and called Mike straight away.

Me : Hey where are you ?

Mike : Well I'm on my way home.

Me : Is there any chance you could come back, I need to tell you something..

Mike : Is it that important ?

Me : To me it is.

Mike : I'll be right over.

I considered it once, yes, I was ready, like I never was. I had been waiting beside my door, I didn't even let Mike knock, once I heard footsteps I opened the door, I think that was the only time I saw him from behind a door not smiling. He followed me into the sitting room and sat down, "So..." I started, it couldn't be unnoticed, how his deep brown eyes glared right into mine, for a moment.. I got lost in them, so beautiful, like dark winter trees at twilight. Jesus Chester concentrate, I told myself. I wanted to begin but "Ugh.. ah..." I tried. It was as if my speech was taken. " Aygh... Lah" I forced myself but no effort. "Eeem.. Chester are you Okay ? " Mike questioned. But still, I was speechless, I let my head do a small nod, for for some reason it was stiffened, so was my voice. What was wrong ? "I... I think I should go now " He exclaimed, I shook my head and waved my hand to show him not to, " I thought you wanted to tell me something" He gasped. " I can't.. " I whispered, in a high, silent voice, almost a shriek. Mike stared at me pulling a confused, worried, almost an unbelieving face, he just froze, I wanted to do something, say something, I couldn't.. But why ? ~Chester  

New Divide ~ 3 /Chester

Despite the fact that the movie was pretty interesting, I was so tired, I just couldn't stop myself, my eyelids where getting so heavy, at moments weighing grammes, then tones, and I just couldn't resist, I had to rest them gradually placing them on my lower eyelids. When I knew I was fully asleep, I wished, I would never wake up...


I saw a group of people leaving me behind, once they had turned around they have been saying things about me, in fact, they where mocking me, I was helpless, I couldn't do anything, all those people in the group where people close to my heart.. In that group I could make out Mike's face, I tried to run, but I only got closer and closer and eventually..
"Chester !" said some voice. "Huh ?" I mumbled. "Jeez man, you have some rock sleep." Mike joked.
"Yeah I was really tired because..." I didn't want to end but Mike was looking at me still expecting me to continue "Never mind" I said.. ~Chester

New Divide ~ 2 /Chester

I wasn't really sure where I was when I awoke, I was pretty sure I was in my room before i fainted.. There wasn't much time to wonder how I got into Mike's room for Mike, as soon as he saw I was awake he snapped "No pizza bro' " Rather disappointed than angry, "Yeah man sorr... " I started but didn't get to answer " No need to be sorry, where you tired ? "  He asked in a weird surprised voice. My answer wanted to be "No Mike, it was the stress, it's all to much for me, I don't know what to do, please help me" the temptation was high but I resisted it. I just smiled shamefully and replied " must have ". He let out a quiet chuckle and sat beside me.
Mike : Sooo... Any plans for tonight ?
Me : Not really.
Mike : Do you wanna watch that new horror movie, starts around 1am, the other guys are in the hotel getting something ready.
Me : Something ready ?
Mike : Yeah, don't even worry about it, so wanna watch it ?
Me : Sure..
Later that night, around midnight, I was regretting it so much, what was I even thinking ? I thought that night would be the most awkward, uncomfortable and tragic night ever, I like Mike more than I should, and i certainly told him more than I should. That night I felt so tired, I knew I wouldn't make it through the movie without falling asleep..That was just it, I grabbed the phone already making up excuses and picking which ones to tell him when suddenly there was a rhythmic knock on the door. I opened it and there was Mike with a grin across his face, " Sorry man I'm too tired, maybe watch it some other day " ? I exclaimed but Mike just bashed into the house not even listening.
"I came early 'cause you didn't look too well, so i wondered if you wanted any help ? " asked Mike. Any help ? Help with what ? There was a weird tone in his voice, I never saw him be like that, was there something up or was it just me imagining things ? Another thing to add to my questions that will never be answered list... ~ Chester  

New Divide ~ 1 /Chester

That was the day... I finally had the guts.. Or maybe I was only telling myself that ? Whatever was happening, I was ready. I thought it over a few times, and wanted to back out but, NO ! I told myself, that was the day... Today Or never, at some point I would have rather it to be never..



I was in my room, all by myself. I was sitting on the bed thinking, if it was the right decision. When suddenly the doors to my room got flung open, who else could it be but Mike with a big smile across his face.. Sometimes I wonder if there's a particular reason why he is so happy and why is his smile so beauti... No, I had to concentrate. "What you up to ?" He asked still smiling. I took a deep breath and I gulped loudly and said "I have something important to say" I murmured. Mike heard it so he sat down beside me, staring right at me... I bit my lip, gradually grabbed his hand and I whispered under my breath.. "I'm... Gay." The silence seemed to have lasted forever, but eventually Mike lifted his head and announced softly "I'm glad you told me". Looking right in my eyes smiling slightly, I think this was the kindest smile I ever saw... Was that a good thing ? I felt my heart beating like mad, I started getting weaker but suddenly it didn't even matter, because he was there with me. My mind went mad but I succeed to crack a smile. Mike stood up energetically and said cheerfully "Well, I ordered a pizza, but I still need to go to get some soda, so answer it for me " before he left the building. I just nodded and again all those thoughts attacked my head. Was that the right decision ? Was it the right time ? Will that change anything ? All those questions just seemed to mix up in my mind, was it the stress that made me loose cautiousness ? ~ Chester